Discover the transformative power of blending faith with education as we sit down with Tanya Calendo, an insightful principal and doctor in the Lutheran Church of Missouri Synod. Tanya brings to light the historical and present-day significance of Lutheran education, and her doctoral research opens up the potential for a reformation in the American Christian Church. We tackle the nuances of the church-school relationship and its impact on family needs, while also diving into the ways Christian schools can be a sanctuary for kids in our ever-evolving society.
Get ready to rethink family support in your community, as we investigate the innovative 5D approach reshaping Christ Greenfield's outreach to school families. Tanya and I dissect the pandemic's lasting marks on family dynamics and the critical role of listening to your community when crafting ministries for today's unique challenges. Our conversation also takes a hard look at parenting and marital dynamics, shedding light on the delicate balance between fostering children's independence and maintaining a strong spousal connection—all through the lens of Christian values.
Finally, navigate the tricky waters of tough conversations with us, especially from the perspective of a school principal. Tanya shares strategies for active listening and creating a safe space for emotional exchange, key components in the evolution of leadership styles. We also reflect on the serenity that comes with Christ-centered leadership and the collective dedication to student development, bringing this episode to a close with a message of trust in God's plans and the influence of community in personal and spiritual growth. Join us for a meaningful exploration of these topics, enriched by Tanya's expertise and heartfelt experiences.
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Discover the transformative power of blending faith with education as we sit down with Tanya Calendo, an insightful principal and doctor in the Lutheran Church of Missouri Synod. Tanya brings to light the historical and present-day significance of Lutheran education, and her doctoral research opens up the potential for a reformation in the American Christian Church. We tackle the nuances of the church-school relationship and its impact on family needs, while also diving into the ways Christian schools can be a sanctuary for kids in our ever-evolving society.
Get ready to rethink family support in your community, as we investigate the innovative 5D approach reshaping Christ Greenfield's outreach to school families. Tanya and I dissect the pandemic's lasting marks on family dynamics and the critical role of listening to your community when crafting ministries for today's unique challenges. Our conversation also takes a hard look at parenting and marital dynamics, shedding light on the delicate balance between fostering children's independence and maintaining a strong spousal connection—all through the lens of Christian values.
Finally, navigate the tricky waters of tough conversations with us, especially from the perspective of a school principal. Tanya shares strategies for active listening and creating a safe space for emotional exchange, key components in the evolution of leadership styles. We also reflect on the serenity that comes with Christ-centered leadership and the collective dedication to student development, bringing this episode to a close with a message of trust in God's plans and the influence of community in personal and spiritual growth. Join us for a meaningful exploration of these topics, enriched by Tanya's expertise and heartfelt experiences.
JOIN OUR NEW ONLINE LEARNING PLATFORM!
ENTER CODE - 75ULC2023 for 75% off!
Hello and welcome to the brand new American Reformation Podcast. We long to see the wider American Christian Church fall more in love with Jesus by learning from the practices of the early church and other eras of discipleship multiplication. We want to hear from you, make sure you comment and leave a review, wherever you're watching or listening, to tell us what God is doing in your life or how you feel about today's conversation. Lord, have your way in us. Let's dive in.
Speaker 2:Welcome to the American Reformation Podcast, tim Allman. Here I get the privilege and joy to share one of my favorite people on planet earth, reverend, reverend, principal Tanya Colendo. I get so many pastors on here, tanya, it's funny these Freudian slips that happen from time to time. But you are a minister of the gospel, called in the Lutheran Church of Missouri Synod and as a doctor as well. What I wanted to say reason I said Reverend is you are a doctor as well as a principal and we're proud of that journey.
Speaker 2:Tanya has been a principal at Christ Greenfield for the last gosh nine and a half years or so nine some years, and we would not be as healthy as a united church in school at Christ Greenfield, apart from your leadership. So we're going to be talking a lot about her doctorate and the partnership between a church in the school to care for families, especially around the topic of felt needs. That was her doctorate work and you're in for a treat. But before we lean into that topic, tanya, tell me how you're praying for Reformation in the American Christian Church our standard question to kick off this podcast.
Speaker 3:Oh yeah, no, I have to say it has been on my heart for a very long time for schools, for Christian schools, lutheran schools, to be a place of where families know that the gospel is infused in everything, that this is a safe haven for folks to feel like.
Speaker 3:We are, values are connected, we're connected to God and his word and so I think, in culture and things going on in recent years especially, you know families and parents, you feel pulled in many directions. You're not sure of the voices that speak into your children's lives and so just really been praying for us to go back into the DNA of the LCMS, which is schools and churches come together, to come alongside families to offer help and hope, to be that rock of you know, rooted in Christ and biblical truths. That you know that to be true, that when you walk on campus you know what we stand for and I think it can be really difficult with all the the pulls here and there and that you know we have a calling more than ever to go back to our original roots and know that we stand on the word and the truth, even if the world doesn't, and just praying for schools in around the country to just hold tight onto what we know, stand firm in that foundation and God will bless.
Speaker 2:So tell I love it. You did a lot of work in your doctorate on the history of schools in the Lutheran Church, missouri Synod. I mean, next to our Catholic brothers and sisters of Lutherans, we got a little bit of the corner market as it relates to education and higher education as well. We love our schools, so tell that story a little bit.
Speaker 3:Well, yeah, and it really. I alluded to it in the very beginning in North America and the Americas when the Lutheran Church started. It started because immigrants Swedish immigrants, you know were here and you wanted your community to offer what your family needed, and so sometimes it was a school before a church because you wanted that for your kids. And it was 1872 that I founded my research that if you wanted to charter an LCMS church you absolutely had to start a school, and so it really was that one-to-one correspondence and the most recent data for every three and a half Lutheran churches there is a school. And so we've kind of moved away from that commitment of families. This is a way we can support families by providing, you know, the Christian education, the day-to-day focus on, you know, christ in, you know, in integrated, that biblical worldview lens that you want to teach children. I know there's many different ways to do that, but this is one powerful way that the Lutherans have really seen.
Speaker 3:Mark Luther was a huge advocate, like he talked about. His greatest ministry was to his family, and so I think that you know that has been through the history of time and there's been webs and flows of when, you know, in the 1960s, if you were a member of an LCMS church, it was pretty much assumed that you would go to the school. Now, one of the things that changed around that time is, soon after tuition became a part of it, the church wasn't just, you know, giving this free, so that changed it up. Not everybody then decided that's what they were going to do. And then you see then, since then, more and more non-Lutherans coming to the schools because they love the love and care or they wanted a private experience, and so now it went from.
Speaker 3:For many years this is where Lutherans send their kids to be raised up in the faith. It has now moved to a mission field more than ever. So it is that culmination. There's many Lutherans that want their kids to be in the faith, but now we have many Christians that want their kids to be in the Christian faith. And then you have people who are non-Christians that choose the schools because we know the love and care that will happen, and so it is. It is really so evident that the mission field for a church, if you have a school, is in your backyard, especially the youngest of kids, the preschool families. They at least I have seen it. I think this has been true maybe the more likely to be unchurched, and once they have the kids, they feel that calling back home to church, and so it's a real opportunity to point to Christ in many ways.
Speaker 2:Yes, it's a huge opportunity. It's hard for me to wrap my head around the 60s and even into the 70s in some pockets of the Synod, 80s, 90s that there was no. There was no tuition. If you're a member at the church, the generosity of the congregation is paying for the administrators than the teachers there it's been. I'm not going to go too much down the generosity path today, but I think there was a correlation between giving and really conversation, even around the starting point of the tithe. Because here's the reality too, as I just think about this in our context, if every member at Christ Greenfield tithed had the discipline of tithing 10% rather than the 1.5 to 2% of the median income that comes, we would have the seven plus million dollar budget that we have, including tuition at our school. Have you ever thought about that? Like we could do that? So there was a decrease.
Speaker 2:I think a secularization kind of continued to take root in America. Generosity was less of toward the, toward the church was less of a priority, and then churches had to make that really hard, hard shift. But what was? What was always core, as you're talking about, is our schools have always been missional communities we want to welcome like we weren't just for Lutherans by Lutherans, right. I mean we always we wanted to welcome those who are outside and there was a high expectation If you're a part of this church, yeah, we send our, we send our kids here. I kind of lament to Tanya that in the last generation of pastors, because school ministry is difficult, it's messy, right, I mean it's not just a one hour mess every Sunday.
Speaker 2:It's more 20, 30, 40,. We got people on our campus all the times with little and big and big problems, that a lot of pastors say you know, I was in a school for a while and they may not say this publicly, but pastor to pastor, I've heard it but man, I'm glad. I'm glad I'm not not there anymore because it was man, it was just a lot. It was a lot. So just give me a church. Just give me a church. What would you say to that pastor? Tanya?
Speaker 3:Well, I think even before that, I think to go backwards a little bit is I'm wondering how much time spent in the seminary is training on how to administer the families. And I say this because of my doctorate work. I met somebody who you know they talk about. They are applying for a grant, they're waiting to hear about the grant through the center of the family of, and if that grant comes through, it would include a course in the seminary.
Speaker 3:Four pastors really focused on family ministry, right, specifically, and I think that's the pastoral role to the school in a lot of ways. Right, the families are here, the students are here, and similar to maybe this kind of analogy. When I first came here, I remember we're having offerings every week for chapel and it was random like this week it went to this and this week it went to this, and when we made the switch that all quarter long we were gonna pour into a ministry, we were gonna learn about that ministry, we were going to dedicate all the money, that whole quarter, to the ministry. The impact to one ministry was exponentially greater than a random here, there and there. And I think that's the same kind of correlation to a family that's at school all week long, the kids are here all week long is you really can go deeper and grow trust Like so.
Speaker 3:My project was really a lot about asking people what do you trust?
Speaker 3:Your church and school community come alongside you and we had a lot of relational equity because of all the things we were doing all the time to get to know people, to care for people, to share things that we had done, to show over time that our character and our heart was true in integrity, that people would say I'm willing to trust with you some of my brokenness.
Speaker 3:I'm willing to trust with you some of the things behind the facade of hey, we're just looking sharp on Sunday and all that stuff. It just really provided to be able to peel the onion and go deeper because, like you said, pastor, it's a little bit messier, it's definitely more involved. And so I would say to a pastor with all of that in mind, is what is your calling for people? And if it really is the deep part of their spiritual growth, their faith formation, of really coming alongside parents, because parents wanna do it. Well, and it's hard, if you really wanna equip parents, you're gonna have to go deeper and these are these opportunities to do that because you start to build relationships. We see this a million times.
Speaker 3:Everything begins with the relationship, and so more touch points and more and more times that you're being able to see that how what here looks like or how helpful it was. I always say to families that apply to come here we have the extra bonus of being a part of a church community that our pastors and our DCEs and our musicians and all of these things pour into our students and families too, that you're not gonna get, maybe, a Christian non-denom school that is a standalone. Like you really have more people to love and care for your child and for you when we have that. So I would say it's worth it. But you know this, you don't do it alone, but it's a sense of it is such a precious ministry when you have a school on your campus.
Speaker 2:Amen, amen. So tell us the story of your doctorate, your 5D model. I love that you use 5Ds to help me memorize and, yeah, super, super cool. And I love the way in which your study commenced. You wanted to work from something that was good and turn it into great. So tell that story of your research.
Speaker 3:Yeah. So, survey after survey, people would say they love the community at Christ Greenfield, Sort of what we were just talking about. It was more than their student learning, math, science, subject areas that they felt, the care of the family, and there were a lot of things that maybe the school was focusing on. And I thought, gosh, we have our DCE working with families in confirmation and in Sunday school we have our family director working on classes for parents. I mean, there's so many things that we were doing. What if we all came together? And so the idea was that we wanted to move from the school focusing on school families, because half of them don't worship with Christ Greenfield. They had no idea about some of these other things that were maybe going on. What if we all came together as a family of ministries at Christ Greenfield to come alongside school families to offer help and help? And so the 5D method. You would define what was working well already. Then you could discover what the felt needs are of people and what they trust us, what they saw, that they said you know we trust this community, come alongside us. Then we would gather family and ministry leaders and dream big. What could this look like? What could we start doing together what you know makes sense, what are? We're listening to the needs that they have, what could, what could we possibly do? And then design it as a group of a family of ministries and then deliver what we have dreamed and designed about. And so it was a.
Speaker 3:I loved it because, as an educator, it was a clear cut. I'm not working through each of the D's, but, boy, what I really loved is was it was data-driven decision-making. I know that the mentor I had for the data analysis said we can tell that your community trusts you enough to open up what their needs are, and so we were able to see if something was going well, if something was in a state of there's, there's, there's some opportunity here before it becomes a trait, and it was a consequential time just in 2022, still working through the after effects of all the changes of the pandemic. You know there's some long term impact, some short term impact right in the middle of that. What was the state of the family right now? What were their needs right now, and how do we shape ministries based on what people were sharing with us? And so the results were very exciting to then take and then say how can we come together to support and serve our families?
Speaker 2:Yeah, before we get into what we actually did, designed and did talk about, talk about state to trait a little bit more and how the family probably I mean evolved, devolved in the midst of, in the midst of, covid, and how I think the Lord used that season, like he always uses seasons of suffering and trial, to bring about confession. Hey, I need, I need community, I need Christ. Talk a little bit about the state before trait statement that you made.
Speaker 3:Yeah. So state is where it's something that is maybe for season, a short time, and what we really found out looking at the data is where your family was before the pandemic hit. There may have been some things starting to unravel. There may have been some things that, like this is this could go either way, depending on and when something as stressful and you know I had done looking at what categories categorize as a stressor I mean, my goodness, there were so many things in the pandemic you can't control it, you don't know what's happening like boom, boom, boom, boom.
Speaker 3:We found that the marriage was really the area where we started to see some things that were unraveling. Parents maybe already were prioritizing their kids over their marriage, but now, when it was a sense of a state where was that becoming even stronger? Because they did not want their child to have any more disappointments. They did not want their child to have any more hurt. So it became even more so that I have to make sure my kid is okay and in the meantime, my relationship with my spouse may not be a priority or we're not spending quality time just the two of us. We're not building that foundation. We're dividing and conquering and focusing on our kids, and some of that was already happening prior to the pandemic, but now it's become more prevalent, more of a concern in the sense that may impact the marriage.
Speaker 3:So we found that in our data the people who were newly married with younger kids were the least satisfied with their marriages, but they were the most committed and so you have a positive like I'm committed to, but I'm really this is not a great season right now and so kind of leaning into the. What can we do to bless, you know, families that are going through the stresses of the little kids and all of all of those pieces? Right, families pretty much rated their parenting skills higher than their marital relationship, and so that it was some things were going into. This could be a new trait, but for many of them we thought like this is a state that we could jump in shape, some industries to help get everybody back on course of how important it is to focus on the mom and dad relationship, the parental, the marriage, because that's the best thing for kids. You know kids are going to thrive when that relationship is thriving.
Speaker 3:So what happened is, when all this turmoil is, we all come out, mama bear, papa bear, we're focusing on our kids, and then you're left with exhausted adults who are not, you know, loving each other, focusing on each other in the way for long term marital satisfaction.
Speaker 2:Oh, my goodness, there's so much here. I want to pause before we kind of get to what. What our community did actively to care for marriages and families. There's an increasing demographic shift in that young people are having one, we're getting married later and we're having fewer children, and I think that's exacerbating the problem. If I could go back, I would have had five kids. I'm in my 40s now and we're not able to do to do that, but I would have had five, six, I mean what? Who knows more? And not just.
Speaker 2:There's a sociological, there's a theological reality be fruitful, multiply, and I want my kids to be kingdom carriers, jesus lovers, you know, passionate light bringers in the world. But there also is this when you have more kids, there's less of an ability by parents to control the inevitable suffering of their, of their children. And what is the greatest helper Because I'm a firstborn, right Little Timmy, had a strong will, I hear. I wanted, I wanted my way, just like most, most firstborns, you know is what was the greatest help in my maturation journey as a young toddler into a young child was my sister Ruth being born and recognizing oh, the world, oh, and there then there comes Ben. The world isn't oriented around around me. I'm going to skim my knee and mom doesn't even know about it because I'm out in the community. I got, I got to figure some stuff out, you know.
Speaker 2:So, yeah, the helicopter parenting and the fusion of parents to kids, I think is largely driven by the fact that we're having I think demographics are showing 1.8 children, whereas in other other cultures we've had way way more. So shout out to young people, have more, have more kids. It's a great church growth strategy. It's just a great sociological strategy. For you. That sounds weird to say, but, but I think it needs to be said. Anything more to add around the demographic shift that could be leading toward more helicopter parents today? Tanya?
Speaker 3:Yeah, and I would say your spot on of you know there is. You know that sense of my identity is a part of is, is it might, it's like gets too entwined in my kids. Identity is and and really it goes. And you go back to the biblical definition of success right Of you know you're especially now what culture says is successful. You have to go back to what is it that I desire for my kids, and so I would say you know the ministry.
Speaker 3:Part of it is we desire that our children have their own faith, their own relationship with Christ, and to have that happen, god has been pretty consistent in the Bible. Your faith grows when it is tested. Your faith grows when you walk through something hard, you know, and so you feel it's almost like your parents are contradicting what they desire, because you desire your child's faith to grow but you're protecting them from opportunities for it to actually grow. And so that's one of the things is the opportunity to. You know we say at school we want them to struggle with little problems now so that they see that God is faithful, that God will lead them step by step, that God is present, that you can work through these things, because when problems are bigger. They already have that. They have stories of God's faithfulness, god's goodness to rely on, and so that's what I encourage parents is this is something where we want our kids to wrestle with, because God is working in them on growing that trust in them, so that, because that truly is a desire for parents, I really believe that, and so we get in our own way.
Speaker 3:We think we're helping and we're not sometimes, and so that's something, a prayer I have as a parent. I think we've talked about this as parents when do I, when am I gracious? When do I, you know, kind of like, let them struggle, right, that's so hard, because it hurts doubly for a parent to see your child struggle. But when I think of the Sun Firm Foundation, that's one of my favorites right now is that when you have a firm foundation, when the wind and the rain all come, our children are able to see God, and so we shouldn't be afraid of those moments for them, because those may be the things they look back at of God really showed up for me and my faith grew when I went through that difficulty.
Speaker 2:So I love it. I love the stories of redemption, just looking back over the last decade now, of one parents actually believing that we have their kid's best interest at heart and that we want this small struggle and the consequences of this small struggle to point them to the one who ultimately satisfies our struggle and entered into our sacrifice, which is which is Jesus. And pretty much all the difficult conversations you have kind of oriented in some way shape or form about the wrestle of parents not wanting their kids to struggle. If I think about it right, that's really the work that we do is creating a safe place for kids to fail so that they can recognize failure is not fatal. And I'm growing.
Speaker 2:So, yeah, if that doesn't happen in a young person and mom and dad just clear the way, no, no, struggle, we're perfect. My kid, my kid's perfect. You know how I mean I think of all the conversations. Little Johnny wouldn't do that. I don't think you know little Johnny, like little Johnny's a sinner. Little Johnny, you know my kids are perfect. No, no, johnny's a mess man. So we need Jesus, go ahead.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and I say you and I both now have kids a little bit older, you know, and so, like I have a 20 year old, 18 year old, 15 year old.
Speaker 3:When they talk about their faith, when they talk about things that have grown them, it is the times that they struggled. It's not like the stories of this, you know, celebration of something. Those are what they're going back to and in the moment, let's not lie, it can be really hard, right, but looking back, what? I wouldn't change it because of who they are right now and their faith is right now moving forward. You know that's and that's the part where it's hard in the moment. It's hard in the moment. So that's the part where you pray for discernment, again, like I say, that's of what does it look like? Because we're not heartless, we're not, like you know, but you always want to looking for that sweet spot of it's enough struggle or growth is happening, but not so much where you know they become hopeless or over. You know so it is. You need Jesus to help you figure out that, that piece as a parent.
Speaker 2:In fact. So let's talk about what we designed and delivered in your project in partnership church and school.
Speaker 3:Well, I'll share some of my favorites. One of the ones that was really fun to put together was realizing that families, at the church and the school, we have common things we walk through and there may be seasons of things, and we started with summer gatherings, which I shoulder tapped people who I thought were in that season of life or walking through something. Would you host an opportunity for people to gather around a meal or a dessert or just a time around that table to encourage one another to point each other to Christ? And so we started this summer and we had things from hey, I have a preschooler, or I have a child going into high school, or I'm a new widow, to things like in the last year I've lost a parent, or I have a child that struggles with anxiety, and we just gathered around those topics and the feedback that I got from the hosts or the people that participated was that they did not feel alone, and that was the number one goal is that when you're walking through something that you would realize you know you're not alone in it and there's wisdom to be gained from people that are a little bit ahead of you and walk through that.
Speaker 3:For me, as a participant. I went to the one. One of the ones I went to was caring for aging parents and some of the things that I see as part of my future some people have already been walking through and that there was such support to one another in that. And then we did it again in the fall. We had a couple that we decided this really is not a need as much as we thought, and then now we'll do another set in the winter, and that those touch points, being a couple months apart, seem to be like the sweet sauce of enough of. In my busy life it's hard to get together, but to have those touch points of encouragement and care of something that we're walking through together is has been something more than I ever realized would be meaningful to people.
Speaker 2:Huge evangelical opportunity and in the midst of a of a world where, especially, I think we think of preschool families and families that have never really been deeply connected to a local church for us to realize they're gonna, we're gonna meet them where they're at, around this struggle and their family and mental health, whatever it happens to be, with no strings attached, like it's just we want to love you and if you want to come to church to be a part of the family in a deeper way, great, but but we have to. That's exactly what Jesus did. I think that's one of the parts of the Reformation that needs to take place right now in the, in the American church. We just want whatever it takes to get people, people to Jesus. You know, and I need friends. I think of the, the lame man right and with his friends who cut the hole in the rough just to get people to Jesus. That's, that is the ultimate goal he's going to satisfy. He's, he's going to heal.
Speaker 2:So, and I personally, I was, I was impacted. I'm not because of confidentiality, I'm not going to show the group that I was a part of. I went and shared more than I normally would about some things going on in our world and I found the healing balm of the presence of Christ in in knowing there's others that are walking through that and we just we all need to get, get to Jesus. Anything more to say about how churches and schools can partner to meet those felt needs as we get people to Jesus.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I think you know you talked about before that this can feel messier, right, because you do have things like confidentiality. You do have to have a sense of trust within that. But I think what really opened my eyes is we have the responsibility to lean in and ask people. They in you, give them an opportunity, you know, to share what they trust you to come alongside them, and so I think that, to you know, like we did this in October of 2022, ask that in, you know that says the data is good for a couple of years. We need to ask again and, and I think that you know, at Christ Greenfield we also tried to provide opportunities for fun and you know, things for families to do that you know are safe and that you know it will be around other people that enjoy some of the same things you do. We've leaned into, you know, have hosting those kind of events for church and school. I think that's that's another thing. We tried, the like I had mentioned about for for chapel and offerings. We pick the same missions. We, you know we come alongside together to bless community, to serve, and so I think there's there's more and more I, more we can do, even people dreaming about? Do we have a counseling center on campus? Do we have like there's more that we could provide? That could make it easier for people to say this is a place that I trust, I know it will be Christ centered, I know it will be confidential and I and I want you know, I know that the church and school will will come alongside my family.
Speaker 3:For that, the number one need that did come out for our community was we're struggling with the hurriedness of life and we leaned into focusing on well, here's a Reformation. Going back to Sabbath, what does Sabbath really mean? And I think church and school really worked together. There was a sermon series on Sabbath. Pastor Michael is offering opportunities to have your family meet with him. We're going to host a date night in the new year for families to lean a little bit more into. What does that look like when you're busy and you've got little kids? But really the opposite of you know everything is going so fast and I don't know if I have my temple right. We've talked about this. Some things that are meant to have a slower temple we're doing too quickly, and things that are meant to have a quicker temple we're doing too slowly. So you're trying to reset your temple as a family.
Speaker 2:Get specific on that. I think this is a fantastic observation. This is one of my favorite parts of the entire survey that we find yeah, okay.
Speaker 3:So one of the things that came up in research is typically families will sit around the dinner table to talk or connect once a week or less, and so we usually are doing the fast food run the go. We have practice, we have a game, we have you know this and that. And mealtime back in the day was really when a family connected because you are sitting around the table and you're, you know, talking about your day, your highs and lows, right. Your parents were able to kind of get a sense of what was going on with their kids sooner than later. That was one of the ways, and so we really encourage we have a question every week in our newsletter of what you could sit around the table and talk about.
Speaker 3:That has to do with that week's chapel message or Bible verse or something of that nature to encourage a slowing down of that precious opportunity, right. And then what needs to speed up is if you have some conflict or some angst or some. It doesn't feel right in our relationship. We tend to avoid and we wait, but really that's something we need to do quicker and the way to do that is a check-in is like hey, I felt awkward, is everything okay between us or you know. We really need to step into that a little bit quicker, and I think those are just two examples of where a temple is off and a little shifting can make a big difference in a family.
Speaker 2:And what gosh you got. You have to schedule it. It is day at age right, because the tyranny of the urgent just pops up and we can get so disconnected. But for us, family dinner time is huge and I didn't know how weird we were as a family, because I may have stuff at night, you may have stuff at night, but I like schedule. Hey, we're, we're eating at 515 today. We're getting that 45 minutes before I got, before I got ahead into a meeting. No, that's, that's our night tonight. I'm looking forward to the family high and low connection. So we're like four to five times a week. There's some nights that it's just not able to happen, but that's huge thing that I look forward to. And then going back to what needs to go fast, then if there's something going on in the family, we can. We can naturally relationally talk about it and the conflict gets brought, brought out. But yeah, if we're not eating with one another, this is deeply theological too. I mean, jesus ate with his be. He made time. He makes time for us.
Speaker 2:Conflicts may get, may get stuffed, I think over over meals. Like Jesus had a lot of his biggest conversations before, during or after meal time. Right, hang out, hang out time. They're just, they're just chilling, and that's Jesus is either chilling, eating, or he's walking, and they're talking Right. I mean, it was all about. It was all about relationship. So how? And Jesus says some, some hard, hard words. Jesus is not afraid of the difficult conversation. I'd love to just pick your brain on this for a minute. What are some of the tools that you've used, cause I think of your entire work as a principal. You're either, you know, before or in the middle or after a difficult conversation. You know, always there's conflict, always cause where they're sin. So what are some of the tools you use to monitor and manage difficult conversations?
Speaker 3:Sure, you know, and, tim, I've learned a lot over the years too, because you know, you learn to read the room and you think, okay, what I just did did not help, right.
Speaker 3:So, you, you, you get a sense of what is the most important and I think I've learned the most important thing is to have the opportunity to hear, hear people out Right, because I think a lot of times we're thinking about what am I going to say, what am I bringing to the table? We tend to think about ourselves first and it really has actually made these conversations much easier because I'm not thinking about what am I going to say, I'm really focused on the other person. It's really important that you, that people, feel heard. And so if, even if a parent is email me first and now we're meeting face to face which I think is another key thing we like and prefer often a text or an email instead of face to face because it feels like it may be easier. But that face to face connection, when you are able to read somebody's facial expressions, hear their tone of voice, if something, if I see something and it's not well received, I'm able in that moment to say hey, I just saw how you looked at me. I'm wondering if maybe what I intended it came out didn't come out the way I thought. You know, it allows you to pivot in those moments with the goal of reconciliation or the goal of you know, you know how do we restore right or right or so. It really begins on focusing on the other person, listening that they're heard and then kind of almost leaving your, your sense of your hang ups at the door.
Speaker 3:One of the things I learned in a difficult conversation is something that creeps in as you start to question your identity, because if someone comes in and they're upset about something you're in your ear, you could start to hear I'm such a lousy principal, look at this this concern or complaint that they have. So if that starts going in my ear, I am really not able to hear them. Well, in order to figure out how do we work towards you know what you know, like I said, reconciliation or restoration, because I'm bringing my own hang ups to this right, and so when you realize that that is going to naturally happen, when something is awkward or hard, you realize, as soon as you start to hear it, you're able to tune that out so that you are really focused in on, you know, the next, the next steps of people, and so I always say it's an opportunity to learn more about other people in different perspectives. It's an opportunity to grow. It's your approaching things Instead of thinking of it oh gosh, this is a conflict, this is going to be hard.
Speaker 3:They're probably mad, or you know. It's like. This is, this is. There's so much more that could be positive, and so that gets you through that initial part of things that maybe you avoid. But I think the biggest part is listening to what really is going on and things that are said and unsaid. You know like you can pick up on a lot in that, in order to move forward, you do have to stop and make sure that you're getting enough of what's going on to help, you know, move forward.
Speaker 2:Here's what I've noticed in you some tools that are your and our friend in the midst of tense, heated, because people get really angry, people are very, very angry. So some simple things that seem like a friend in the midst of conversations. That you you do is you breathe. You should always don't, don't stop breathing and then be maybe curious about, oh something, something is attacking my identity. My heart rate is picking up, my face is become maybe you can't see your face, but I can feel my flip face is flushed. You know something like deep emotion is rising up.
Speaker 2:So breathe, and before you defend, you know is also a good friend, as you think, and then hopefully, the first words out of your mouth are not defensive, but their questions. And then you're even testing, you're hitting at this before it sounds like or it feels like, you feel this way. So you can test some sort of an emotion and then you give them is that true? You can just ask a question is that, is that true? And then out of that, out of that question, just create space for them to actually identify because we're feeling things before thinking things right for them to actually identify the emotions that are going on with them, and sometimes you just they need to say it then and you create that, that safety for them to say what is going on inside of them and maybe for their truth to blend with your truth and and we then come to a beautiful, a beautiful place of compromise and care for one another, coming from different perspectives. Anything that I said there kind of resonating with you.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and I have to say I found that when I have been able to say I can see how you got there.
Speaker 3:Yeah has been so powerful for people to feel like we may not, we may not have gotten to the same place, but I could see how you got there Because, like you said, there's so much emotion and something you know. I think that's a way to kind of peel, peel back to. I'm recognizing that from your perspective, that you got to this point. You know, I think that goes a long way when people hear I can, I can see how you got there.
Speaker 2:Let's come down the home stretch. I'd love to talk about your leadership style. First question is how is your leadership kind of evolved over the years? Tanya?
Speaker 3:Yeah. So I think you know early on, when you're a leader, you are more focused on yourself of what your abilities are and you may want to do everything, you know, you may feel that responsibility I got to do it all and when you realize, well, that's impossible and you also realize there are things that people do better. And if you're, my goal has always been what's best for students. You know, if you ask anybody on staff, they're going to say how do we make decisions? What's best for students? Right. And so leadership has evolved in empowering and equipping others to step into their wheelhouse to. You know, we do a lot of things in team when possible Right. There are some things that you know a pastor principle just needs to kind of take on on their own, but for the most part, there's a lot of things. You can solicit feedback. You can, you know, get people to take ownership in an area that they are gifted and have a lot of passion for, and it's going to be way better than if you had done it yourself. And so I think that you know we have kind of set up teams now.
Speaker 3:I think the biggest thing is because a leader is also discipling and it is impossible to disciple. I think I have 80, some staff members at the school. It's impossible for me to disciple them. And so to just it really then is breaking into smaller groupings and then equipping and leading the people that are leading those teams Right. And so I have several team leads of grade levels, team leads of departments, so I pour into them the most, so that they are then pouring into their community and I think needs are met much quicker. They're they're strong identity. I mean it's so cute to even have team shirts. You know we do birth things that way. There's lots of ways that the, the and the trust will be greater.
Speaker 3:The things that people can come alongside each other in true discipleship and leadership is happening. When you're able to do that and I. That is beautiful to see and I think it's similar to you. Our greatest joy is lifting up others when they succeed, giving them a lot of encouragement, giving them many opportunities, Like even for teachers. They have a refinement and mastery plan. These are areas that you're working on refining. These are things that you're working on mastering, and they're different for every person because God has equipped us differently and that's exciting to see that growth in that development. We're, you know, hiring new teachers. I love when we are able to hire brand new teachers because they're going to be mentored in um. I have a great you know environment here Because we are set up to have a small group come alongside them, mentor and lead them. That is not found everywhere, so yeah, Jesus is amazing.
Speaker 2:Understatement of the podcast. Jesus is amazing, and one of the things that's amazing is he. He built a team of people. I've talked about this to them. I mean, if Jesus needs help, if Jesus needed and this is the mystery of faith right, and in the story of Jesus, Jesus didn't need help. Jesus was perfect on his own. And yet the mystery of the incarnation is that he actually stepped down to model for us what a healthy life in relationship looks like. He couldn't do it alone. You know even God. Why did he create God? Didn't want to be alone. God is not like God was lonely, but he created us to have this intimate relationship with and Jesus and does that dies on the cross for us. But then, the night Jesus has betrayed, he cast his vision for his disciples Staying connected I'm thinking John 15, staying connected to the, to the vine.
Speaker 2:Apart from me, apart from me and my presence in your life, you can do nothing. And then, and then he talks about even greater things. I'm going to send the comfort of the Holy Spirit. The one is going to remind you of all the things and be a very real presence in your life. And greater things you're going to do than even I have done, Because the message, my work, is going to multiply to the masses.
Speaker 2:And, yeah, it's sad to me often that, fewer than I would hope, leaders go on the journey of moving from a doer to a developer of other people and actually finding joy and delight. This is a beautiful part of my, my maturation journey and yours as well. Is that and this is I'm not taking any credit for this is just the power of the word and the spirit is I get more joy, Tanya, from listening to other people preach, do ministry. You know more than it is actually doing it, doing it myself.
Speaker 2:And one of the little men says people always want a guy or some kind of leader, kind of who's running, who's running the thing here? And this is not like just a flippant thing. Jesus is and then we are. This is way not about me. I see that modeled in the Apostle Paul and others who have gone before. It's about him and it's about us. So how did you kind of? Because that's what has shaped our culture at our school, church, etc. The family and ministries at Christ Greenfield. It's about him and it's about us. Yeah, how did that kind of develop? How does that kind of developed in you and shape the values of our school.
Speaker 3:Well, and I think it was. This is what God's calling is for this community, and we were going to be Christ hands and feet, right that, and, as people come and go, that was not going to change the core values of what God is, you know, placed on the hearts from the very beginning, of Christ Greenfield, of Christ quality community, discovered, developed, deployed and like. We throw these words out there, but they really mean a lot. They mean a lot and so you know, we've talked a little bit about this, as even as I transition out at the end of this year, I have a tremendous amount of peace and joy because the roots are deep, because it's Christ.
Speaker 3:You know that who we are is not wrapped up in one person, it's, it's wrapped up in in all pieces, in the families and the students and the staff and the faculty.
Speaker 3:You know that Jesus is center and that we always want to give our best and all that we do, and we're sharing light, we're going through life together, in community, and that's so wonderful and valuable because that's the way God has set it up. And so I know that I think our community is, you know, walking through this without angst, without worry of what will it will there be like a brand new experience if we have a brand new principle? I think they know like hey, I know, I've been here so many years. Every teacher, every teacher, has cared about my child and my family. You know, every teacher, I feel, works so hard. Every staff member, you know, from extended care to lunchroom, like it is in every piece. I know that these are the constants and they will remain, because it's what God calls us to do, and so I think that that is a sense of that's what your desire is as a leader, that it's not about you, that it's about Christ, and when it's and you know, when you're not there Christ is still there.
Speaker 3:So all is well, all is well, and I feel that in this transition that we really believe all is well because Christ is here.
Speaker 2:Yeah, well, here's what I know about your transition and this is what I would hope every leader could say and to God, to God be the glory. But you are leaving this ministry exponentially better than you found it, and Jesus used you to play a big role in that. And I'm going to miss you. I'm not going to cry just yet, but I'm just grateful for how Jesus, how Jesus made you, and the humility, the high investment for those of you who don't, you know, because it's easy to think of sports, you're into sports and stuff it's easy to think of like an athlete when they're, when they're leaving that team.
Speaker 2:This is why Team Jesus is totally different. They're like, yeah, like you're leading with as much passion and hope and joy and you know, discover, develop and deploy and others as you ever have, like you're, you're not fizzling, you're, you're fired up. Let's get fired up, tonya. Get fired up for all the things that Jesus is doing for your future. So, yeah, just praise me. I'm very, very grateful for you. And how Jesus, how Jesus made made you anything more to say before? Maybe the last question?
Speaker 3:Yeah, I would say one of the things that I've learned in my whole life in ministry when I was a teacher, you know what lots of different things I've done the power of showing up, because that really shows that I am having faith, that God is doing the work and if he calls me to show up, I'm going to show up, even if I'm not sure what to do or say or how to handle something.
Speaker 3:You then are able to see God at work at his best. In the Bible it was always people. Maybe, if you you know unexpected, if you wait to feel ready, you will never do anything. And so I would just say, for anybody in ministry work, sometimes the most obedient thing you can do is to show up and watch God work. And that has been, I think, the story of my journey. I think lots of people you know, like, when you go through different seasons or hard things you know Tim, you and I walk through the pandemic and all of that pieces you know a lot of it was showing up and seeing what God was going to do by being present with his people, and so I just want to encourage anybody who's maybe stepping out in something that they don't feel ready for.
Speaker 3:If God has opened that door and is calling you to do it, show up and watch him work Exciting, exciting, you know, for what God has.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's it. Yeah, get up, just get up, get out of bed Like it's a great day. There's struggles, but get up, then show up so that Jesus can show off for sure. So last question what do you love most about Jesus? Tanya?
Speaker 3:He is exactly who he says he is. Absolutely that is. But now I'm going to try not to cry. But every time where you begin to maybe start to worry, I had recently read something about worry and anxiety, and worry and anxiety are not the same. Worry is the beginning of the path that leads to anxiety, so worry is when you need to flip the switch, and so I think of you know that's when you go to the attributes of God. He is faithful, he is all, knowing you need to rock. You can go on and on. He has never disappointed. He has always said who he is. If there's been a time I felt disappointed, it's because I was expecting God to be something he never said he was, and so that's a great life lesson for me. But he that any encouragement to anyone is God is who he says he is.
Speaker 2:Yeah, faithful man over and over again, and everything he says in his word is true, it's true and he just doesn't. He doesn't disappoint, like, and it's because we're connected to the bigger story of who God is and we're not surprised and we know through suffering and trial he's going to carry us. He's super, super near to us. But, yeah, I resonate with that so much and Jesus knows like he is not just a theory out there, jesus. Jesus knows what it's like to grieve, to be sad, to be disappointed, to be angry. You know, I mean, jesus has walked through all of that perfectly for us, fulfilling the law, and now has this righteous reign and he's given us his spirit and he's just very, very kind, very kind to us and he doesn't disappoint. This has been so much fun.
Speaker 2:Tanya, thanks for being who you are A strong partner in the gospel here at Christ Greenfield praying for your next season of life and ministry. And I don't know if there's a future employer, potentially, maybe by the time this is released out there. But whoever gets the privilege of having Principal Doctor, reverend Doctor, that was a funny beginning to our podcast Whoever gets the principal Doctor, tanya Colondo, is going to be in for a treat as you continue to bless the world, bring light to dark places. It's a joy to partner in ministry with you. We'll always be friends, in this life and in the life to come. So how can people connect with you, tanya, if they desire to?
Speaker 3:Well, I would say, for right now, christ Greenfield is my place and so reaching out to us here would be great. I'm not very present on social media and I think that's part of my balance, of family life and all of that, so I would say this is the best spot to get together. So I think it's.
Speaker 2:T Colendo, c-a-l-e-n-d-o at C-G-L-S-C-O-Lorg. If you want to hit Tanya up, it's a good day. Go on and make it a great day. This is American Reformation. Please share care. Unite leadershiporg Great place for you to find helpful tools for you on your discipleship journey, and we promise to continue to have encouraging conversations. This is a beautiful age. We're not angry, we're not fearful. We know the one who holds us in all things in the palm of his hand, and it's a great day to be a part of this American Reformation, to bring light to the message of Christ to dark places. We'll see you next week on American Reformation. Thanks, tanya.
Speaker 3:Thanks, Pastor.